This morning I decided to get a quick manicure before one of my sessions. I call up my mother and invite her. She declines and mutters her plans in order of errand...One. By. One. I stop listening somewhere between Market Basket and bottle redemption center.

I explain to her I don't need her detailed agenda and a "yes or no would suffice" she mutters she can't...because she's "way to busy today!" 

Nevertheless my day continues I make it to the nail salon for the familiar "pick color on wall" I tell her to choose because at this point I just don't care. I have a nice manicure/pedicure with one of two sisters who owns the salon. I'm not sure who's who so I make sure never to talk about detailed things in their life or look them directly in the eyes. This way they won't catch on. 

Now, about thirty or so minutes pass and I'm sitting at the drying station talking to some random about how I'll never make it out of the building much less the neighborhood without smudging. We bond over manicures smudges and talk about our weekend plans. I glance over mid-conversation and stop dead sentence.

I see my mother in the pedicure chair getting a pedicure. "Is this real life?"


Now, I'm pissed. "Ohh hey mom!" 

So now, my drying buddy who from the rest of the story will refer to her as "shaniqua."  Shaniqua wonders what the hell is going on. I fill her in about my mother being to busy for the nail salon. But really what I imagine is she just wanted a day away from everyone myself included. 

Shaniqyas all "Wait yo momma came without you?" She keeps repeating "that so cold." I envision her removing her earrings and standing behind me shouting "that's so cold" while I public humiliate my mother for her betrayal.

But since it's a Saturday and everyone seems to be enjoying their  weekend I decide the nail company is not a good place to go all Jerry Springer on Gail. I laugh it off and tell her I'll see her later.

I try to finagle my keys out of my purse like a t-Rex with tiny arms using chopsticks and I hear "wait Adrienne...did you at least pay for me?"  Is Gail for real?  

"No ma I didnt pay for you!" I scamper to my car like a penguins with those stupid toe spreaders wondering if she noticed....she parked directly next to my Jeep.